Here's the deal.... I am going to try ridiculously hard to keep this post positive even though I feel like the world is collapsing around me! I could have never imagined how overwhelming family events can be and how much of a toll they really take on you. I honestly wish I could pick out a family who is in a state of chaos similar to mine and start a bitch fest that mainly consisted of rambling on about how much their family sucks, but that would just be cruel.
I am tired, boy am I tired.. I am drained emotionally and physically. I feel like since Thanksgiving events have taken place one after another without a chance to breathe a breath of fresh air. I am certain that life is not suppose to be this difficult. The saddest part? I don't even know where to start.
Since I am all about venting right now, I am going to lay it all out there and we will find out who really reads my blog.. ha
Ok.. so I am pregnant, (8 weeks this Friday) While I am completely excited, and cannot help but smile ear to ear when I think of holding my little baby, I am completely terrified. After the events that took place in July, I am a paranoid freak of nature who is cautious about everything that I come in contact with and that includes anything from an undercooked taco, to the neighbor (in my opinion hes a little off). I hate how once you have a terrible pregnancy experience all of the sudden your world is focused on what you should and should not avoid. I hate it all! All I can say is right now I feel blessed and I am praying that this little baby sticks around and makes it.. God only knows how much I have prayed about this.
Secondly... the car issue, which might I remind you I am still completely pissed off about. Who do things type of things happen to??? I realize luck is not something that runs in my blood, however I have never felt that I have bad luck.. The whole incident was just irritating, and took away from my Christmas money... bastards.
Thirdly, without giving away all of my brother's private information, basically hes sick and has been for a long time. My brother makes decisions that are not good and are harmful to himself. My family and I got sick of standing on the side lines while he self mutilated himself, therefore we got him admitted into a hospital that will hopefully help him. Bless his heart I know he is miserable where he is, but I just want him to get better. I have been dealing with the brother issue since last Wednesday (coincidentally enough, it was the same day I got my car back). I hate to see him upset, but he just needs help and thankfully it seems like the doctors are helping.
Family brings more family... Since my brother has been in a somewhat crisis state, we have had a lot of family involved trying to help, which has made the situation more stressful than necessary. I think that is why I am so drained...
Yesterday I went to Phoenix to see Hailey perform at the State Capitol building, it was great. I actually have video and pics that I will post later when I gather the energy. In addition to seeing Hailey, I also met my half sister Elizabeth who I have never met before.. It was awesome to finally meet her and my new little nephew!
So upcoming we have the holidays... while I love this time of year, its one more thing to drive me insane. I have most of the Christmas shopping done, but still have little things here and there.. it's probably a sin in some way to say that you are excited the season is almost over but I really, really am.
That is what is going on in my life. How I wish I could have a bottomless margarita to ease the tension, and unfortunately margaritas (the good ones anyway) are on the no-no list for being prego. So I will continue what feels like an uphill battle and I will laugh at the fact that God is being humorous and playing a few little tricks on me, which are probably being done to keep me on my toes.
Until next time.......
